Why do you have to wear something sooo revealing for Halloween, Zara? I mean youre SUCH a pretty girl. You dont need to get that kind of attention anymore, you know? an ex girlfriend once said to me.

I told her to kindly fuck off, put ona super slutty corset with cherries on the boobs and went to the party with my friend Trixie instead.

In fact, I felt so good in that costume it might make an appearance again this year.

If your significant other wont let you be sexy for Halloween and forces you into one of those nasty-looking, frumpy couples costumes, its a massive, shining, bright red flag, ladies. I dont care if youre dating a man, woman or anyone in-between.

If youre feeling sexual this October, and you want to throw on a plaid, super short kilt, thigh-high knee socks and patent leather Mary Janes, good for you!

So many women in our culture are ashamed of their bodies. So many women go to great lengths to cover themselves up because they keel over in horror when they catch their own reflection in the bathroom mirror. So many women, right this minute, are filled with so much devastatingly SAD hatred for their own bodies that theyve disconnected from their sexuality entirely.

I know this because I used to be (and sometimes still am) one of these girls, and its really a horrible way to live.

So, feeling good about your body in this day and age is a radical, political act! And this Halloween,if youre feeling like really going for it and displaying your sexual prowess, do it, do it, do it, do it!

So what if your date doesnt want you to be sexy? They say youre better than that? They ask WHY you need to get attention from anyone besides them isnt theirs ENOUGH? They say they dont want random dudes looking at you ~that way~?

Well, honey child, youre dating someone who is missing the whole point. If theyre threatened by the weight of your woman-ness, they dont deserve to have such a fierce woman as their girlfriend.

If they dont want you to get any attention (as an ex of mine used to shame me for wanting incessantly), theyre wildly insecure. And probably with good reason.

In my 30 colorful years out-and-about on the dating scene, Ive learned that anyone who doesnt want you to sparkle for anyone EXCEPT THEM is afraid of what will happen if you (God forbid) hear compliments.

Theyre afraid that if too many people tell you how hard youre rocking your cool, sexy Halloween costume, youll finally realize how awesome you actually are. And you will realize how un-awesome they actually are, and youll dump them.

If your partner isactually awesome, they willbe all about you hearing compliments. They want your self-esteem to sky rocket, because all girls deserve the opportunity to have skyrocketed self-esteem.

Shitty partners want to hide your beauty in a fucking peanut butter sandwich costume. And you know what that really means? They want to hide your light. They want to steal it and keep it for themselves because theyre energy vampires.

And if they shame you for enjoying attention, thats just them manipulating you, baby.

Trust your big lesbian sister, Zara.Ive been there.

And Ive learned that there is nothing wrong withwanting attentionwith feeling good about yourself and wanting people besides your partner to notice your fierceness.

It doesnt mean youre trying to cheat on them, or flirt with other people. It means youre a whole person, whos not just dressing for the enjoyment of your partner, but for everyone! And thats great.

The moment all of your actions are totally for ONE person, is the moment you lose yourself entirely.

In fact, this is a really powerful, strong way to gauge a new relationship. If youre digging wearing something sexy this year and your partner wont let you, its time to end the relationship, kittens.

First of all, youre not their doe-eyed student. Youre a woman, and you decide what to do with your body. This isnt the Republican convention its your partnership.

I always say Keep your laws off my body, and keep your fashion rules off my body, too. Because your body is your own and you can dress it however the fuck you want to dress it.

Its really bold to want to show off your body in a society that has such impossible standards for beauty. In a society that is designed to make us feel like shit about the way we look. Having the courage to stand strong in the face of this body-shaming culture makes you burn really bright.

And having someone tell you thats wrong, dulls out the bright. And youre too fucking amazing to be dulled down by a fuckboy (or fuckgirl).

So if your SOwont let you dress sexy this Halloween, dump them, girl. Dump them, and let that light of yours burn, burn, burn, like Jack Kerouac says:

burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes Awww!

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